Dumbridge and the Case of the Peanut Butter
by crazy2
Summary: Umbridge loves her peanut butter, but a bit too much? Enough to murder? Perhaps. Also, Harry Potter stars to investigate the death of his beloved best friend Ron Weasley, with the help of some familiar characters. This story is not to be taken seriously


-1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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It's a love that was forbidden. A love that nobody would understand. It was a love between Umbridge and peanut butter. Oh... that creamy butter with the taste of peanuts... how she craved for that day and night. And she would do anything... anything to get a taste of that peanut butter. Even if "anything" meant murder...

It all started at the crack of dawn. Umbridge was awake, and her stomach growled.

"Quiet, you!" she screamed at her stomach. She knew what it wanted. It needed to be fed. She went downstairs to the kitchen, where her food was all stocked up in the cupboards.

"Oh, peanut butter... peanut butter... where are you?" she sang to herself, while looking through the cupboards. She had just gone grocery shopping, so she knew that she had a good seven jars of peanut butter- 6 creamy and 1 crunchy. She preferred creamy, but there were always those nights where she craved crunchy. She had opened up all of her cupboards, and yet there was no sign of the peanut butter.

"Where are you!" she bellowed. She was getting angry, and she didn't like to get angry. She looked in the fridge, she looked in all the bathrooms, and by the time she had looked at every single room, she was red with fury. "Who took my peanut butter!!"

It was silent after she had screamed. Not even her thirteen cats were meowing for their breakfast.

"I took it."

Umbridge started to freak out. That voice wasn't hers, and it obviously wasn't any of her cats because none of her cats had the ability to speak English. Perhaps Portuguese, but that's it. "Who's there?" She grabbed one of her brooms and slowly went over to where the voice came from.

"Who do you think it is?"

She knew that voice. She knew that voice even more than she knew her own. That voice... belongs to Ron Weasley. She had known that voice more than anyone because he was always talking during class and always talking during lunch all loud so she could hear. She almost went crazy because he talked so much. She was very very close to even murdering him, silencing him once and for all.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Weasley?"

"What do you think? I'm here to eat some peanut butter.."

"You...." she said, gripping to her broom tighter. He took her peanut butter. She noticed that he was holding a bag with his arm, and that bag had all of her jars of peanut butter in there. "Give them back to me! I bought them with my own money!"

"Well," he said, walking into the light so Umbridge could see his face. "I was really craving peanut butter and I knew that your kitchen always had a lot of it."

"GIVE THEM BACK TO ME!" she demanded, once again. She was not letting him leave her kitchen with even only one spoonful of peanut butter. "Give them back to me... or you will regret it."

"How?" he asked, as he took out a jar and opened it. He grabbed a random spoon that was in his pocket and put it in the jar, dropping the lid onto the floor.

"Don't... you.... dare..." she said, dropping her broom on the ground. She was about to attack.

Ron just continued to take the spoon and scoop up some peanut butter. "Yum!" he said, delightfully. He put the spoon in his mouth and a few moments later, he took the spoon out of his mouth- the spoon was clean of peanut butter.

"You... monster.." she said, running up to him and smacking him in the stomach, in hopes that the peanut butter would jump out of his mouth. Instead, it only made Ron fall to the ground, hitting his head on the wall. He must have hit his head really hard because he didn't wake up. Ever. Blood was gushing from his head, and Umbridge knew what she had to do: Hide the body. She used her magic powers to carry the dead body into a closet.

"There. Now I have my peanut butter and I don't have to listen to Ron ever again."

She picked up all the jars of peanut butter that were scattered all over the kitchen floor. She put all the jars back into the cupboard, but left one for her to eat.

Umbridge loves her peanut butter. She murdered Ron Weasley just to get her loves back. But... she must have been blinded with her anger because she didn't realize that somebody was watching the whole thing from the window. Who was that somebody?

It was none other than Harry Potter, and he was not going to keep his mouth shut about this.


End file.
